Another one on the horizon.

To say life is busy sounds a bit silly because it seems that lately it always is. No sooner does one thing end another is very quick to race into its space. I look at all the things I want to do and then resolve that I need to be happy if I can get one thing done, never mind the other 300 waiting. Small steps.


This week I need to tap into to my discipline. There is an exam looming and the material is demanding attention. Seven days. I count each one very slowly. Have three months really already passed? I have courses stacked for the summer and waver on my decision to have done so. I try to focus knowing that if I put the effort in now I'll be able to breathe a bit over the summer. I also know this will be one step closer to my goal.

It's raining out and boot camp is everything the name suggests. Please tell me what I was thinking when I decided to sign up. The instructions included "dress for the weather". I suppose that means tonight I'll be getting wet.

On my mind.

Stop waiting until you finish school,
until you go back to school,
until you lose ten pounds,
until you gain ten pounds,
until you have kids,
until your kids leave the house,
until you start work,
until you retire,
until you get married,
until you get divorced,
until Friday night,
until Sunday morning,
until you get a new car or home,
until your car or home is paid off,
until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter,
until you are off welfare,
until the first or fifteenth,
until your song comes on,
until you've had a drink,
until you've sobered up,
until you die,
until you are born again
to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy...
~Author Unknown

Missing.

I scream ..... they scatter
I beg ..... they sneer

I plead ..... they laugh

I cry ..... they recess

I yearn ..... they hide

Why do words evade me

Where are the dances we used to engage

Stories weigh heavy on my heart

I can't help but feel I'm missing something

So I ask for them to please return

On my mind.

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.
~Henry David Thoreau
What is important in life is life, and not the result of life.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We each see what we need to see.
~Rango (the movie)

In Silence.

In the misty morning light
Upon the hard packed gravel road
She walks in silence.

In the afternoon heat
With the ebb and flow of the lake lapping at her feet
She walks in silence.

In the evening hours
Through the towering pines
She walks in silence.

In the darkness of night
Under the hand-stitched patchwork quilt
She sleeps in silence.

From him for me.

I saw the weed on my door handle and flicked it away. It wasn't until I had started the car that I began wondering about the irony of where it lay. How could it be that this pesky bud would land so perfectly where it did for me to find.
Early that afternoon, on his way home from school, he saw this pretty yellow flower. He thought of what a nice surprise it would make for his mom. He plucked it up and carried it home with pride then set it where he knew she was sure to find it.
I closed my eyes and made a wish.
...a wish that he keeps this gentle tenderness forever.
I'm thankful he's mine.

30.

And just like that, I celebrate 30 years. What an amazing adventure it's been so far. I think of everything I've done so far and am amazed. I think of everything that the future holds for me and I welcome it with my all.
I'm taking some time to reflect and to dream. Nothing is too big or too small to matter. I'm writing words that I carry in my heart. I'm excited and afraid all the same.
Raise a glass today and let's cheer to everything because every day should have in it a reason to celebrate.

Pick it up.

Haunting beauty.
I find myself craving this type of music right now.
Please share any songs you may know of that are similar.

On my mind.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
~Marilyn Monroe

Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before your, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you...yet, someone survived..You can do anything you choose to do.
~Maya Angelou

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
~C.S. Lewis

One foot in front of the other.

Last Tuesday I got the call and felt the world stop turning. My cat of 17 years was not well.
Skip the math but I got her when I was 13 filled with angst rebellion and misery. She was my calico-coloured light. We had an immediate understanding, a connection that bonded. She'd sit beside me and snuggle affording sandpaper kisses to only my hands. I'd let her play with my long strands of box-dyed midnight purple hair. She yank and pull but it didn't matter. Fast forward 17 years. We'd both grown and the bond only strengthened. She accepted how I changed and loved me all the same.
My cat lived with my grandparents just because that's the way it was. Then last Tuesday I got the call. There was something very wrong with Candy and she needed to see a vet fast. A whirlwind of an afternoon left us faced with the humane decision in humanity.
Whispering softly with tears streaming, I said goodbye.